I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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