If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
