you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
