If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
