I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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