ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The beers last night were like the tears from god
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
