toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
