his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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