Im at strip club and am horny
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk is not a location!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize