I will die if light touches me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
