that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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