and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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