i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
