Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
