omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
