Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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