So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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