you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
