Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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