i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if only i could text you this smell
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
