i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
