ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
