When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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