9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You pole danced in your parka.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
