i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
