it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
