Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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