the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
