she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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