do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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