white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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