I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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