I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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