I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
