I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
