Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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