Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
