Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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