What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
