nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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