my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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