DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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