He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
