I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
