tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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