You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
