i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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