i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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