Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
