I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
