Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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