I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
