theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
