I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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