I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
