my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
