my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
