Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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