I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
