Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
