last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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