omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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