Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
