My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
