I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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