he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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