It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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