We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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