she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
