I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
