do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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