how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize